


lions and tigers

by biblionerd07



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Domestic, Light Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5667052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biblionerd07/pseuds/biblionerd07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse treats Brock and Andrea to a day at the zoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lions and tigers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SegaBarrett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/gifts).



> Well this turned out a bit angsty and you wanted fluff...sorry about that. It feels all but unavoidable in this fandom. ;_;

“The tigers!” Brock yells excitedly from the backseat for the third time. “I wanna see tigers!”

Jesse laughs. “I know, buddy, we will,” he says, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he waits for some old lady in a mini-van to move. “Come on,” he mutters.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Andrea asks in an undertone. “It’s kind of expensive.”

Jesse swallows hard and pastes on a smile. “Nah, don’t worry about it.” Paying for all three of them isn’t even going to be $30. This, at least, is a good use of all that money he has.

Andrea gives him a look that isn’t quite displeased but isn’t happy, either, and he makes himself smile bigger. She knows where he gets his money, or she suspects anyway; he won’t tell her outright. Maybe if she doesn’t know for sure she’ll be safer. Jane—

He pulls into the parking spot and turns off the car, movements a little jerky now. He takes a second to close his eyes and breathe before he puts his smile back on. It doesn’t take long for the smile to grow into something real again; Brock is practically bouncing out of the car in his excitement, chattering away uninhibited about how much tigers eat in a day and where tigers like to live.

They’ve watched a lot of Discovery Channel and Animal Planet all week to get ready for this trip. Brock would nestle up between Jesse and Andrea on the couch and the three of them would learn about hippos and tigers and kangaroos and sometimes Andrea would make her grandmother’s super-secret recipe lemonade and then they’d eat dinner together and it’d all be so _domestic_ and amazing. Jesse still can’t believe it sometimes, can’t believe he gets to have this even after what he’s done to Gale and Jane and a bunch of guys in Mexico.

“Hey,” Andrea says, touching his elbow and raising her eyebrows. “You here with us?”

Jesse shakes his head a little to clear it. “Yeah,” he promises. “Yeah, I’m here.”

They do see the tigers. They also see elephants, bobcats, penguins, snakes, naked mole rats, and what feels like every animal in the world. Jesse loves it—he always loved the zoo as a kid, although he always feels bad for the animals, locked up in a cage.

“What’s your favorite animal?” Brock asks seriously. “We can see what you wanna see now.”

Jesse laughs a little. “I don’t know, man. I always liked the uh, polar bears. You like them?”

“I love polar bears!” Brock declares. “Let’s go see them!”

Brock knows a surprising amount about polar bears, stuff that isn’t even on the plaque in front of their tank thing, and Jesse knows there weren’t any polar bears on the animal planet show they watched yesterday.

“Brock did a report on polar bears last year in school,” Andrea says fondly. “He got an A+.”

“My teacher tried to give me a sticker,” Brock adds, eyebrows pinched together. “I’m not a baby.” He says this like he doesn’t still creep into bed with Andrea at least twice a month. Not that Jesse blames him. He likes sharing a bed with Andrea, too. And besides, the world sucks. If your mom will give you comfort, why not enjoy it?

After the zoo they go to a diner. Jesse would've bought them dinner at the zoo cafe, but Andrea was getting worried about how much it was all costing and she wouldn't accept when he told her it was fine. Brock doesn't mind; he got to see the animals and he still gets food in the end, and that’s all he really cares about.

"Can I get pancakes?" He asks, even though it’s the early evening and summertime.

"You can get anything you want," Jesse promises.

Andrea makes a little noise at that, but she doesn't argue when Brock gets pancakes and French fries and Jesse even gets them all dessert—their own desserts, not even just one dessert for everyone to share.

Brock is old enough not to fall asleep or get cranky after a long day, so instead he chatters animatedly while they wait for their waitress to bring their food.

“And there are some zoos with pandas,” he’s telling Jesse. “Not our zoo, though. Why doesn’t our zoo have pandas?”

“Uh…” Jesse has no idea. He sort of remembers everyone freaking out about a baby panda once, but he doesn’t know much else about them.

“They’re endangered,” Andrea pipes up. “There aren’t enough pandas left in the world to be in every zoo.”

“Oh, no,” Brock says, face falling. “That’s sad.”

“How’d you know that?” Jesse asks, grinning at her. Andrea’s always got something hidden from him. At first he didn’t like it—finding out the girl you’re trying to sell meth to has a kid isn’t really Jesse’s idea of a good time, and even a year ago finding out the girl you’re trying to _score_ on has a kid would’ve sent him running, too—but now the surprises are all good things, like knowing why pandas aren’t in every zoo or reciting every line of the Star Wars opening title sequence.

“ _I_ did a report on pandas once,” she says, a little wryly. “Back when I was in school.”

Jesse nudges his foot into hers. “You should go back and get your…whatever it’s called. Your graduation thing.”

“GED,” she says softly. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Jesse asks.

“It costs money,” she informs him. “And time away from work.”

“You don’t have to worry about the money.” He leans into her a little, enjoying the fruity smell of her shampoo. Her shoulder moves under his cheek when she sighs.

“I’m not just going to take all your money.”

“There’s always more.” It slips out before he thinks enough to stop it, bitter and harsh, and she gives him a long look.

“Does there have to be?” She asks, assessing. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, away from her, crossing his arms.

“What should I do?” He asks wryly. “Get a real job? Go into, uh, data entry, huh?” He scoffs. “Nothing else for me.”

Before she can say anything, the waitress comes back. “Is it your birthday?” She asks Brock, voice too-high and childish like he’s a baby or something. “Is that why your dad’s treating you to a big dinner and dessert?”

Brock tilts his head a little, but he doesn’t answer; he’s too shy, and she’s just some random lady.

“It’s not his birthday,” Andrea finally supplies. “Just a good day.”

Jesse thinks about that—being Brock’s dad. He can’t pretend he wouldn’t want to be. He does his best to be better than his own father; he never tells Brock to shut up and he listens when Brock talks, especially when he’s excited. It settles something warm in his chest, thinking about them being a family, thinking that some stranger saw them and thought Jesse belonged with them.

But then he’s pulling out his wallet and laying down cash, and he gets a lump in his throat. Drug dealers don’t make good dads. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, and Mr. White’s whole life is falling apart because of their job. And after what happened to Andrea’s brother…

He doesn’t belong with them.

Jesse’s got his shoulders hunched up as they walk to the car, feeling sorry for himself but knowing what he said to Andrea about not being able to do anything else is true. He’s a pathetic junkie, that’s the fact of the matter, and he doesn’t deserve Andrea’s soft hands running through his hair or her laugh in his ear or Brock’s sweet smiles and excited voice.  
  
Jesse’s eyes are burning a little, disappointment lodging in his chest and making it hard to breathe, when Brock slips his hands into Jesse’s, his other hand holding Andrea’s.

“Can we go back to the zoo sometime, Jesse?” He asks. He’s so innocent, so good, and Jesse wants to wrap him up and hide him from the whole world.

“Yeah,” Jesse chokes out. “Sure, man.”

He’s lying. They won’t be going back to the zoo, not with Jesse. Because Jesse’s no good for them, he sees that now. He has to leave before he hurts them even more.

But for now, he listens and laughs as Brock tells jokes and he smiles when Andrea winks at him and lets the happiness fill him up, just for a little while longer. He doesn’t deserve them, not really, not at all, but for right now, he’s going to enjoy the time he has.


End file.
